A Letter to My Oldest Son
Dear Son,
As I sit down to write this, my heart is heavy with words that have been waiting to be said for too long. This blog has mostly been about your brother, but today, it’s about you - about the journey we've been on together and the things I wish I had understood sooner.
I remember back in grade 2 when you first complained of hip pain. I always picked you up from school, hoping to ease your discomfort. Yet, once home, you seemed "fine," and I couldn't help but wonder why. It's clear to me now that being in control of your movements and posture at home gave you the relief you couldn't find in the rigid environment of school, with its unforgiving desks and countless stairs.
Your journey into squash brought similar challenges. I saw how your pain seemed to intensify when you were losing a match. We believed you hurt, but I confess, we didn't fully understand. Your coach seemed skeptical too. Only now do I realize that your effort to push through, to try harder against older or more experienced players, was putting too much strain on your young, developing joints.
Over the years, we kept going back to the doctors, seeking answers for your persistent hip pain. They took x-rays, but nothing conclusive came of them. They just said “growing pains”. Even when they discovered the clicking hip syndrome, which I have too, they said it wasn't typically painful. But your pain was real, and I wish I had trusted that more.
When one doctor mentioned a two-year wait for an MRI, my heart sank. Had we pursued this earlier, we might have known then what we know now. It took moving to a new city and a visit to the children’s hospital there to finally uncover the truth. Within just two months, you had a referral and an MRI, which revealed a tear and developmental issues.
So, my dear son, I want to say sorry. Sorry for the times I doubted the extent of your pain, for not pushing harder for answers, and for all the moments of frustration and confusion you endured. I wish I could turn back time and advocate more fiercely for you right from the start.
Your journey has taught me so much about patience, understanding, and the importance of listening—really listening—to what you are experiencing. You've shown incredible strength and resilience, and I am endlessly proud of you.
As we move forward, know that I am here for you, always ready to believe, support, and fight for you. Your pain is real, and your feelings are valid. Together, we'll continue to navigate this path, armed with knowledge, understanding, and unconditional love.
With all my heart, Mom
To the readers: Evan’s oldest brother displays a milder version of Evan’s chronic pain condition so it wasn’t as straightforward to diagnosis and understand his symptoms. It wasn’t until Evan’s diagnosis that we could look back and see the similarity and the early warning signs.
